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Fishy Fish Price!
11 November 2011
Don't mention the price of fish!
Fishy Fish Price Ticket
You might expect the price of fish to be fishy but this is one offer you simply can refuse.  This, it seems, is not so uncommon in Tesco.  Tesco have two types of customer and they like to cater for both.  So, for the likes of you and me (intellectuals who frequent the internet and read all sorts of interesting things like this), they will offer a price for an item, say £1, and less than twice the price if you buy two.  So you could get two for £1.80 perhaps.  Then there is the other clientele, the morons (imbeciles and idiots don't go to Tesco).  For these people Tesco offer an impeccable service called the "Reveal your IQ" challenge.  People are allowed to take up offers which no one but a moron could possible accept.  Offers like the one above where you can buy Mackerel Fillets in a tin for 90p or, you can excel by buying two tins and paying £2.  That's an extra 10p per can!  What a deal.  If you succeed you can truly classify yourself as a Moron (with a capital M).

These offers are apparently widespread at Tesco.  On occasions when I have mentioned such things to the staff they find it funny and point out that it is always happening.  My favourite was the tins of Green Giant Sweet Corn.  I don't recall the actual price now but I do recall that there were tins of sweet corn at a price like 64p per tin and then there was a stretched plastic pack of three with the words "Special Price" writ large on the wrapping.  The "Special Price" was something like £2.24!  Well in anybody's book that is a special price.  It was more than 3 individual tins put together.

If I didn't know Tesco better I would think it was an accident.  Don't get me wrong I am sure they have accidents and I'm sure the Nice Price Rice at 1p per kg was an accident but I am too cynical to believe that there isn't a little bit of hocus-pocus going on in the back room.  I have certainly seen tricks like selling larger cans of coffee at a price higher than the per gram price of the smaller jars.  It is clear they are trying to get away with what amounts to a trick to get more money from the unwary.  People who notice are simply self congratulatory that they noticed and walk out of the store with a warm feeling.  People who don't notice and buy the more expensive item don't complain because they don't notice.  Tesco and other stores now have the "Price per unit" comparison and they say it is a response to public demand and they are trying to be helpful and friendly.  But when I see so many similar items  described as per kg and per 100 g I suspect this is deliberate.  Of course most people can work it out but how many people who are busy trying to earn a living are going to take their time to work it all out.  I know from experience that actually checking all the prices against each other can add an hour onto an otherwise half hour shop.  I guess people don't like to complain because they think it will make them look stupid that they can't work out the comparison between £1.32 per kg and 12.8p per 100 g.  But why do Tesco do it?  It's not to massage your ego that you are clever enough to work it out.  It is a deliberate attempt to make it hard enough to stop most people bothering whilst pretending they are trying to help the customer.

But all these shenanigans don't just confuse the customer.  It seems to confuse Tesco as well.  They are trying to be so clever by tricking their customers that they end up making mistakes like the 1p/ kg rice and tripping themselves up.

So here is a request to Tesco as a loyal customer.  Please use ONE unit of weight to compare prices.  And until you start being genuine I guess the Universe will continue to nip you in the behind.  And I will be there helping every inch (or would that be 0.0833 feet or 2.54 centimeters or perhaps 0.0001263 furlongs) of the way.

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